What the heart wants

Wouldn't it be nice if love was a matter of choice? Don't you think it would be awesome if you could have just a little say in who you fell in love with? If you think you do, you're an idiot. Yeah, we decide how we act on our feelings, but let's be honest with ourselves, we are ALL love's bitch. You can try to deny it, but I won't believe you.

I'm well aware that I'm love's bitch and I accept it. If I didn't, I'd be a little insane at this point. See, my treacherous heart has decided to become enamored with a girl I work with. I refer to her as a girl because she is ten years younger than me. Ack!! Well, technically she's a little less than ten years younger since she'll be seventeen this year. But still, she's jailbait. And I'm nuts over her.

Aside from the whole age issue, I definitely have good taste. She's funny, smart, active, sweet, thoughtful, kind, intellectual, and beautiful. She is one of the best and sweetest people I have ever met. And I can't stop myself from looking forward to the guaranteed one shift a week that I work with her. The fact that we have a lot in common (ie. similar sense of humour, taste in music, movies, and literature) and have an easy time conversing really doesn't help me out.

The one saving grace is that, while I feel like a creeper, no one else things I'm a creeper because no one at work actually knows that I'm gay. So, though they all know I think very highly of the girl, they don't know that I'm unbearably attracted to her and that the mere idea of working with her and being able to make her smile brightens my day.

The irony of the whole situation: I've never been in love and the first person that I actually start to fall for - illegal! Man, oh man.