Argh!

Don't you just hate that you can't control your feelings? I mean, you can control how you act, but you can never control how you feel. And that's been driving me absolutely nuts for the last couple of months. See, there's this girl at work and she's funny and smart and absolutely beautiful and we get along so well. She's also considerably younger than me and straight... with a boyfriend. I am nuts for this girl, like, seriously, just throw me in a straight jacket and ship me off.

Yeah, yeah, love is supposed to wonderful and amazing and age is only a number. Well, that's bullshit. I kind of hate that I'm crazy for her, except I don't because it feels so good. And I am a flirt, I'm sure if any of the people that I work with knew that I was into girls, they'd all know, on sight, that I'm into her.

I'm one of those people who flirts subconsciously. So subconsciously that I have no idea that I'm doing until someone points it out to me or the person I'm flirting with gives me a weird look. And apparently I'm not entirely aware of what others constitute as flirting since, about a month ago, a guy asked me out because he assumed my friendly, casual conversation was flirting. Somehow, how's it going translates to I want your phone number so we can have wild, no strings sex this weekend. I have no idea how that happened.

So anyway, this girl is just great and I find myself going out of my way to do things for her and joke with her and touch her and just... argh! I'm even teaching her how to drive a standard. She doesn't own a car let alone a standard! She will have no use for this skill in the near future! And yet I offered up my car and my Friday nights after work to teach her. And tonight I've talked her into coming to a house party that a girl we work with is hosting. I don't know what I'm doing. I could just as easily have asked the girl I think is actually into me and who I know is gay, but no, I'm obsessed with this too young girl from work.

I need help. Maybe shock treatment will work.