Coming out to the parents

I have been in such a funk lately, deeply depressed and fighting it every second. Depression isn't new to me, I've suffered through it before, some days feeling it so deeply that I simply lay in bed and cry all day. This time feels different, though, and with the beginning of a new semester looming, I worry how it will affect my school year and how I'll get myself out of it.

This time, the main cause of my hard times is my mother. As I mentioned in my last post, I've been going through some rather stressful times lately the most stressful of which was telling my parents that I'm dating a woman. My dad wasn't at all surprised and is being so supportive, to the point that he said, minutes after I told them about my girlfriend, that he didn't want another son anyway. And he asks about my girlfriend when we talk on the phone. My mother's reaction was more expected and not nearly as supportive.

Don't get me wrong, she wasn't bad about it. She didn't say anything and cried quite a bit, but she gave me a hug and told me she loved me. However, when they left two days later, my mother didn't want to hug me like she usually does and seemed to only do it because I leaned in for it. She kept it short and quickly moved on to my brother.

It's been a touch more than two weeks since I told them and I talked to my dad three nights ago, he put me on speakerphone while I talked him through my university's website and I could hear my mother reiterating what I was saying because he couldn't hear me, but she didn't say a single word to me. Everytime my dad calls me, my mother asks to talk to me. The next night my dad called again and, again, my mother didn't ask to talk to me.

My mother is making it quite clear that she's upset with me and, though we've never had a good relationship, it hurts so badly to be ignored because of this. It helps that my dad is so amazing and couldn't care less and thinks to ask about my girlfriend when he calls. But I can't get over the pain of my mother's rejection.

I've been so horribly depressed for the last couple of weeks, but my girlfriend and friends have definitely helped with their supportiveness. But my girlfriend has been out of town since Friday morning and so I haven't been able to turn to her to talk about what I'm feeling. Which means that it's been building and will continue to build until she's back and I can take comfort in her. It's going to be a horribly long week and I can't wait for it to be over. This is the first time we've been apart for an extended period and, while I think this will ultimately be good for our relationship, I already miss her terribly.